Monday, October 15, 2012

playing catch-up

Well. When I signed on today I wasn't even sure good 'ol blogger would remember me. But lo and behold, it did. And then I panicked when I saw all the changes. But here I am anyway and so much has happend since the last time I recorded my thoughts about our lives lately.

Let's get started shall we? Life is so full and wonderful here in Rockwall. Our house is feeling more like our home complete with pictures on the walls. That makes such a difference, doesn't it? It took me awhile to decide where I wanted everything because I really think you need to just live in a new space first before you start deciding how to accessorize her. This drives Luke especially crazy which won't be a surprise to anyone that knows him well. He is task-oriented and was a man on a mission when it came to unpacking boxes. He also despises hanging things on the walls mostly because he is a perfectionist and doesn't do anything half way. I love that about him. Slowly but surely, I figured out where I wanted everything and Luke began the task of carrying out my vision. My favorite wall so far is the first one you see when walk in our front door. It's filled with pictures of our little family. Sweet memories that make me feel so blessed everytime I walk by. Pictures of our littlest treasures, our last family picture {Brooke was 4 months old. Clearly we're long overdue for a new one}, a tribute to the city where "Luke and Aimee" officially began, and a sign that says "Home is where your story begins." Our wedding album, which I lovingly refer to as The Book, sits on the console table underneath and is a reminder of the day that started all of this craziness. I wouldn't change one single thing about my life and who I share it with. God has been so good to me!

We have gotten involved in a church and attend a Lifegroup on Saturday nights, which is full of the most wonderful people. They are sarcastic just like me and Luke and they love Jesus with their whole hearts. Just last night we attended the baptism of two of the kids from our Lifegroup family. As I stood there watching them profess Jesus as their Savior and that they had asked Him to come into their little innocent hearts, I was overcome by emotion. Thank goodness for sunglasses to hide tear-filled eyes! I'm not one that makes crying look pretty. Who's with me on that?! There we were, a group of believers celebrating together the most important decision anyone can make. What a blessing it is to walk this parenting road with these people that strive to raise their kids the same way we do. May our children be among the next generation of those that love God passionately and have a heart to win souls for Him!

On that note, Luke and I had the privilege of witnessing Austin become a Christian. There have been several opportunities to share with him the hope that we can have when faced with death. We talked to him many times about the gift of salvation and what it means to "ask Jesus into your heart." On October 1st, the three of us sat cross-legged on his bed while he prayed that sweet prayer in his little boy voice. I could not have been filled with more joy! Nothing could have prepared me for all the emotions I would feel as he made the decision of his life. Death has been defeated again and Satan cannot claim the life of my oldest!! About a week later, we were eating lunch with Luke's parents who had just returned from the funeral of a good friend. We were discussing Heaven when Austin looked at his Pops and said shyly, "You know what Pops? I'm a Christian." He pointed his little finger at his chest and I almost lost it right there in Olive Garden. I am just so proud of him. He has such a tender heart and I know God will use that mightily. Before he was born, we prayed that he would come to know Jesus at an early age. That prayer has been answered. We are so grateful!

We are truly blessed and I am so thankful that God would be gracious enough to give us all that we don't deserve. Still, life is not perfect and I would never want anyone to think that we have it all together. We don't. I have never been more aware of my need for Him than in this season of my life. This year we have been surrounded by suffering and the reminder that this world is not our home. Satan has used this to feed my fear of the worst happening to our family. Aside from God, my family...extended the most important thing in my life. There is no other group of people I am more loyal to than them. I prefer my family and, given the choice, would rather spend time with them than anyone else. I know that God wants me to trust Him with their lives and well-being. He is their Creator, afterall, and He is worthy of that trust. Good grief, He has every right to demand it of me. But He is so gentle with me and ultimately desires that it be my choice. I will be honest, this has been such a struggle for me. There are times when Satan shows no mercy and does everything in his power to use my fear to cripple me. He has come to kill, steal and destory and boy is he good at his job. Some days I can say to the him: Mission Accomplished. I am a work in progress and there are days I have to choose minute by minute to put my trust in the One that deserves it the most. And then there are the days that I fail to make that decision. Cue the panic attacks. No one loves me better or more than He does. No matter what the future holds, His plans for me are good. I am so very thankful for His patience and the promise that He will never give up on me!

Looking back at this past year, I feel like this new beginning in Rockwall is symbolic of God doing new things in my life. Challenging me in new ways. Not only am I finding myself forced to deal with some of my deepest fears once and for all, but He is also urging me to stand firm in my faith and what I believe. Even if it means I am standing alone. I realize that I started this blog initially to document our life through each season, but I also want to be able to look back and see what God was doing in my life. He is so faithful despite the fact that I am a hot mess most of the time. Nevertheless, He who began the good work will finish it to completion.

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