In Honor of My 100th Post, I Give You The Longest Entry Ever!

Well, friends, today marks my 100th post on this blog of mine. If you'd told me a year ago that I would actually keep up with this thing I probably would've laughed in your face as I pulled out numerous projects and journals that fell by the wayside after only a few weeks of dedication. I love writing about my friends and family on here because it has opened my eyes to how truly blessed I am! I'm not gonna lie. I get a little emotional when I think about all that God has given me despite how wretched and undeserving I am.

So thank you for sharing this journey with me. I am honored that you would care enough about us to check in every once in a while. I hope each and every one of you know how thankful I am for you and your friendship. Make no mistake, you are loved by the Keiffer family!!

I have a million thoughts going through my mind today. Well, I guess you could say that's pretty normal. Just ask my husband and he will tell you that I usually try to verbalize ALL of them after he gets home and before we go to bed. He loves it so don't let him tell you otherwise! ;) You are the best, Sweetie! Thanks for putting up with me at the end of your long day.

But anyway. Back to my thoughts. I am realizing more and more everyday that God is forcing me to deal with a certain struggle I've had all of my life. Only recently has it become glaringly obvious that it has gotten worse. This four letter word is quickly invading my life and taking over my thoughts. Wanna know what it is? I'd be happy to tell you because apparently the theme of today's entry is "being real." So here it is.

Fear.

As far back as I can remember, I've struggled with worry and an occasional helping of fear on the side. At the sight of dark rain clouds, I was just sure that a tornado was going to touch down and sweep us away. And not to somewhere over the rainbow. Clearly, God has a sense of humor since He moved me to Oklahoma. You know, the place where the wind comes sweeping down the plains in the form of dark funnel clouds.

Over the years, I would busy myself with fears of something happening to me or my family. Also, I've always worried about money. With this admittance I can assure you that Luke is wondering why I don't do something a little more healthy with that worry. Like turn into a saver. To which I say,

I can only fight one battle at a time. Only one. Only one.

I think this worry turned to all-consuming fear when I found out I was pregnant with Austin. There's nothing like having a child that will force you to exercise your trust muscles. Sadly, The Firm cannot help me with this. And that's a real bummer.

Lately, I feel like every time I turn around I'm hearing stories of loss, desperate situations, and overall tragedy. Some are friends and others are fellow Christians. And, y'all, it's been weighing me down. On top of the fact that my heart aches for these sweet people facing so many unknowns, I cannot help but fear that any number of these situations could happen to my family too. And the thing is, there but for the grace of God it could be my family experiencing a difficult and trying time. We are not guaranteed a life of puppies and kittens running around just because we are Christians. In fact, God tells us that in this world we will have trouble.

And at that thought, I can feel myself getting a tension headache...

I have to be honest. I feel a little like I am engaged in some daily spiritual warfare. I have been in awe of God's blessings in my life these days, and I feel like I am constantly battling Satan from sucking the joy right out of these blessings! And let me tell you, it. is. exhausting!

But here's the thing. I have had a front row seat to some serious suffering and tragedy. And each and every time, I have watched those directly affected make it to the other side by God's grace and strength. I know without a doubt that they have seen and experienced God in a way that many others have not. And while their lives, much like ours, are still far from perfect, they made it through. With victory, no less! This gives me some comfort when I struggle with my many fears.

In addition, I came across something the other day that was an encouragement to me. It should come as no surprise to you that it was on Beth Moore's blog, which is truly pure blogging gold!

Several months ago, Melissa had insisted upon going with me to have a dye test to follow up a suspicious mammogram. (No rumors please. I do not have breast cancer. Because my mother died with it, however, I never get the luxury of drama-less annual check-ups.) We were sitting in the waiting room and a rack was within arms reach offering all manner of brochure on various cancers. Melissa took one out after another and glanced over them, shaking her head. She looked up at me with that classic expression of hers and said, "Life is brutal, man."I nodded.We both sat silently for just a moment. Then she said one of the most profound things I've ever heard."He knows it's scary to be us."Yes, He does. Yes, He does. He does NOT take the fact lightly that we go through medical tests to see if we have a raging cancer. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are secretly fearing that the monster has come back. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are going through the cancer treatments of your own children. I had to pause and put my hand over my mouth on that one. Holding back the tears. Son of David, have mercy on us! You know it's scary to be us! It's almost too much here, Lord. It's almost too much.

Life is brutal and sometimes it is almost too much. He does not take that lightly. Praise You Jesus! Surely if He cares enough to know the number of hairs on our head and store our tears in a bottle, He is constantly aware of every fear and every worry. At times, when I feel like the fear threatens to overtake me, He gently calls me to crawl up in His lap and let Him tell me that though the storm may rage, He is still in control. The waves will never overtake me and Satan WILL NOT WIN!!

Yet, I still struggle. This is a painful process for me that I know will be worth it in the long run. The truth is, though, that because of Christ the victory is mine to claim. Apparently, it will be a daily victory that I will have the privilege of possessing should I choose to do so.

And now you know how to pray. :)

On a lighter note, Luke gave Austin a hair cut last night. We meant to take off just a little so that we could try to spike the front. Just because I like to torture myself and make him look more and more like a little boy. Well, turns out that there are two shades of purple in our trimmer guard kit. As luck would have it, we picked the wrong one. Let's take a moment of silence for the extra amount of hair that was lost yesterday. You will be missed. And mostly by me, the mother of Austin.

And now I present to you The Summer Cut...

He's just beside himself over the dramatic hair loss, as I'm sure you can tell.